Keeping Your Kids (and You) Safe Online

By Don Rittner

I’m amazed at how many people think the Internet is this dark denizen of pedophiles, rapists, and murderers, all waiting to get their hands on you or your kids. On the contrary, you are more likely to get mugged in your front yard than having a problem on the Net.

However, the Internet is like any other piece of geography. You must navigate it with caution and keep your wits about you. There are presently 100 million people in over 140 countries surfing the Net. When you have access to that many people you are likely to meet some real jerks - just like you do in real life. There is no reason to keep you children away from the Net if you follow some common sense rules. Both parent and child should be aware of them. Most of the problems you hear about in the media happen between those who should have known better. You know what I mean if you own a teenager. You can lead them to sensibility, but you can't make them listen. But for those of you with younger children, pay attention to the following.

As a parent, do NOT use the Net like TV -- as a baby-sitter. TV is regulated and it comes to you for the most part in a sanitized condition. The Net is not regulated. There are Web sites that show graphic material that offend even the most liberal minded. There are chat rooms that discuss explicit topics, and it’s pretty easy to download pictures, and I don’t mean Disney characters, to your hard drive.

The first thing you should do is place your PC in a common area like the den, or room where the whole family congregates, and make sure the computer monitor is facing the room so anyone can see it. Do not let you child surf alone in a distant room. You're asking for trouble.

Emphasize to your child not give out their real name, address, or phone number to anyone on the Net. Years ago, when I was hosting America Online's Environmental Forum, I often received emails from young kids and teenagers asking for help and they included their names, addresses, phone numbers, where they went to school, what grade they were, sometimes a photo, and even their teachers name! While it may have seemed certainly logical considering I was the Host of the Forum - my name was prominently displayed - it was not necessary to have all that information.

It's important for a parent to control the userid and main account of any online service your child uses. Many services allow you to have more than one userid. Create a userid that is non-descriptive, gender neutral, and not a real name. Don't use SallyTroy, or something that could pinpoint your sex or location. Some online services have an area where you can fill out a user profile: your age, birth date, bio, quote, etc. Ignore it. Do not use it. The less someone knows about you the better.

One of the places your child can get into trouble is in public chat rooms. They're one of the most popular features of the Net. Chat rooms are where people congregate and talk live as though they were in the same room — yet they may be next door or separated by thousands of miles. They're also places where relationships form, and it 's often the place most associated with abductions and other online "personal" problems. Moreover, they are places where teenagers like to go and pretend they're adults, if you know what I mean! Again, if you are going to allow your child to chat, you may want to create a special userid that the whole family uses for this purpose. It allows you to receive any objectionable emails that may be intended for your child, and your child will know you will also use the same id, Knowing that, the child will not encourage anyone to send objectionable material to it.

What should you look for? If you start seeing a lot of files on your hard drive with the extensions jpg, gif, bmp, eps, or tiff, check them out. They may be objectionable pictures. While pornographic sites are generally difficult to get into (you need a credit card number for most), there are still plenty of sites that provide "teasers," for downloading. If you notice your child has to constantly be online at a certain time of the day or night, that may be a sign of a budding romance or friendship is in the works. Don’t be afraid to ask questions.

Insist that your child NEVER enter online contests without your permission. As the parent, be sure to check out the site since you will have to give your home address and phone number. Make sure the site or contest is legitimate.

Encourage your child to inform you if anyone starts talking to them in a manner that make them feel uneasy. They should write down the person's userid and let you or their teachers know as soon as possible. Be firm about telling your child, that under no circumstance, are they to meet anyone in person alone that they meet online. Like any "real" friendship, your child should realize that they take time to nurture. It is very easy to pretend to be someone else online. If a relationship does blossom and a meeting is likely to take place, you should accompany your child and you should get as much background information as possible. If it is a child of equal age, get their parents phone number to call for verification (assuming the other child made the offer). This also helps prevent the chance of a weirdo disguising himself as a child.

Remember surfing the Net is like interacting in real life. You don’t let your 10 year old go out to the park at night alone. Follow the same rules online. The bottom line is these problems are parenting issues, not technical ones. Blaming the Internet for social malaise is like blaming your cold on the polar caps of Mars. There's no connection.

Safe Surfing

A selection of safe sites for kids from the Computer Learning Foundation. Great resources like National Geographic, Resources for Storytelling, Parent Soup, PBS Online, Smithsonian and more.

The Police Notebook

This site contains questions and answers to help kids protect themselves and deal with emergency issues. Parents should visit this site with their children and discuss the issues presented.

Yahooligans

Check here for other Web sites that teach you safety awareness for your child’s online activities.

KidSafe

The Danver, Massachusetts Police Department maintains this set of kid friendly sites.

KidsClick

KidsClick! is an online Web search engine just for kids and was created by a group of librarians at the Ramapo Catskill Library System.

Next week we will discuss the lack of privacy on the Net.

©1999 Don Rittner

Don's new book, The iMac Book (The Coriolis Group) is a perfect companion for the new iMac user. Don owns The Learning Factory in Albany and publishes The MESH - Inside Cyberspace (www.themesh.com).